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“The Parrot is Dead?”

At dawn the telephone rings, “Hello, Senor Steve? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house. I am sorry to bother you whilst you are in your holiday villa in France, taking a few weeks off from your busy schedule.”

“Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?”

“Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Steve, that your parrot, he is dead”.

“My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?”

“Si, Senor, that’s the one.”

“Damn! That’s a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?”

“From eating the rotten meat, Senor Steve.” Continue reading

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Anger Management

  When you have a really bad day,
and you just need to take it out on someone,
don’t take it out on someone you know,
take it out on someone you don’t know –

and someone who deserves it.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered
a phone call I’d forgotten to make.

I found the number and dialled it.

A man answered, saying ‘Hello.’

I politely said, ‘This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?’

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear
‘Get the right f***ing number!’
And the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn’t believe that anyone could be so rude.

When I tracked down Robyn’s correct number
to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed
the last two digits.

After hanging up with her,
I decided to call the ‘wrong’ number again.

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Disciplining the Children

Most people nowadays think it improper to discipline children, so a friend of mine has tried other methods to control his kids when they have had one of ‘those moments.’

Since he is a pilot, one that he has found very effective is to just take the child for a flight in the plane during which he says nothing and gives the child the opportunity to reflect on his or her behavior. Continue reading


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The British in Afghanistan

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.

Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis only to find a British soldier selling regimental ties.

The Taliban asked, “Do you have water?” The soldier replied, “There is no water, the well is dry. Would you like to buy a tie instead? ……. they are only £10
Continue reading