At dawn the telephone rings, “Hello, Senor Steve? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house. I am sorry to bother you whilst you are in your holiday villa in France, taking a few weeks off from your busy schedule.”

“Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?”

“Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Steve, that your parrot, he is dead”.

“My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?”

“Si, Senor, that’s the one.”

“Damn! That’s a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?”

“From eating the rotten meat, Senor Steve.”

“Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?”

“Nobody, Senor. He ate the meat of the dead horse.”

“Dead horse? What dead horse?”

“The thoroughbred, Senor Steve.”

“My prize thoroughbred is dead?”

“Yes, Senor Steve, he died from all that work pulling the water cart.”

“Are you insane? What water cart?”

“The one we used to put out the fire, Senor.”

“Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?”

“The one at your house, Senor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire.”

“What the hell? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle?!”

“Yes, Senor Steve.”

“But there’s electricity at the house! What was the candle for?”

“For the funeral, Senor Steve.”

“WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!”

“Your Mother-in-Law, Senor Steve”. She showed up very late one night and I thought she was a thief,   so I hit her with your new Ping G15 204g titanium head golf club with the TFC 149D graphite shaft.”

SILENCE………..

LONG SILENCE………

VERY LONG SILENCE.

“Ernesto, if you broke that driver, you’re in deep shit.”