Leave a comment

Diamonds are a girl’s best friend

A balding, white haired man walked into a jewelry store on a Friday evening with a beautiful much younger girl at his side.

He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a £5,000 ring.

The man said, ‘No, I’d like to see something more special.’

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.

‘Here’s a stunning ring at only £40,000’ the jeweler said.

The lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.

The old man seeing this said, ‘We’ll take it.’

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated,

‘By cheque. I know you need to make sure my cheque is good, so I’ll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I’ll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.’

On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said,

‘Sir… There’s no money in that account.

”I know,’ said the old man… ‘But let me tell you about my weekend!….


Leave a comment

The Perfect Man.

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, “Perfect timing. You’re just like Frank.” 

Passenger: “Who?” 

Cabbie: “Frank Feldman. He’s a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.” 

Passenger: “There are always a few clouds over everybody.” 

Cabbie: “Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.” 

Passenger: “Sounds like he was really something special.” 

Continue reading

Leave a comment

A pilot father’s discipline with love

Most people today think it improper to discipline children,
so I have tried other methods to control my kids when they
have had one of those moments.

Since I’m a pilot, one method that I have found very effective
is for me to just take the child for a short flight during which
I say nothing and give the child the opportunity to reflect on
his or her behaviour.

I don’t know whether it’s the steady vibration from the engines,
or just the time away from any distractions such as TV, video games,
computer, iPod, etc. Either way, my kids usually calm down and
stop misbehaving after our flight together.

I believe that eye to eye contact during these sessions is an
important element in achieving the desired results.

I’ve included a photo below of one of my sessions with my son,
in case you would like to use the technique.

Please see the photo………………………..

Continue reading

Leave a comment

Children Writing About the Ocean

Children Writing About the Ocean…

1)  This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles.  (Kelly,  age  6)

2) Oysters’ balls are called pearls.  (Jerry, age  6)

3) If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island.  If you don’t  have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (age  7)

4)  Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson . She’s not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)

5) A  dolphin breathes through an asshole on the top of its head.  (Billy, age  8)

6) My  uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age  6)

7) When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean.  Sometimes when the wind didn’t blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come.  My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William,  age 7)

8) Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get  pregnant?  (Helen, age 6)

9) I’m not going to write about the ocean. My baby  brother is always  crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can’t think what to write. (Amy, age  6)

10) Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting.   Electric eels can give you a shock They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers. (Christopher, age 7)

11) When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin, age 6)

12)  Divers have to be safe when they go under the water.   Divers can’t go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age   8)

13) – On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast.   She says she won’t do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass..  (Julie, age 7)

14)  –  The ocean is made up of water and fish.  Why the fish don’t drown, I  don’t know.(Bobby, age 7)

15) – My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn’t know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom.   (Andrew, age 8)