Some one-liners for amusement

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  • How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it. ·
  • Venison for dinner again? Oh deer! ·
  • A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy. ·
  • I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest. ·
  • Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes. ·

  • England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool. ·
  • I tried to catch some fog, but I mist. ·
  • They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo. ·
  • I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now. ·
  • Jokes about German sausage are the wurst. ·
  • I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time. ·
  • I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me. ·
  • This girl said she recognised me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore. ·
  • When chemists die, they barium. ·
  • I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down. ·
  • I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
  • I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me. ·
  • Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils? ·
  • When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble. ·
  • Broken pencils are pointless. ·
  • What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus. ·
  • I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx. ·
  • All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on. ·
  • I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough. ·
  • Velcro – what a rip off!


Author: stevecurtis2012

I love the best in people and I enjoy a good story or joke. In our leisure time some serious stuff is important too so that it can be mixed in with the funnies otherwise our smile becomes too fixed. A real smile, a real laugh is the best tonic for our living times

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