This Week’s Jokes
I thought I’d share a few ‘silly’ jokes this week – so you’ll have one per day.
Monday.The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death. Continue reading
Category Archives: joke
Well, well!!
Well, well!!
A vicar and his curate were playing golf on their day off.
The ball went into the rough – a slightly wooded area.
They went in search of the ball and came across a well.
I wonder how deep it is, asked the curate.
I’ll throw a pebble in and we’ll listen, said the vicar.
Marriage Councelling for Eileen and John
Eileen and her husband John went for counselling after 25 years of marriage.
When asked what the problem was, Eileen went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married. Continue reading
Golf Advice?
Subject: Golf Advice
A man goes to a golf pro for some advice.
‘Well, what should I do?’ asked the man.
‘Hold the club gently,’ the pro replied,
‘just like you’d hold your wife‘s breast.’
Continue reading
A few new funnies (I think new!)
A Few New (I think) Jokes
An elderly couple is attending Mass. About halfway through, the wife leans over and says to her husband, ‘I just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?’ Continue reading
New Nursing Home for Pensioners
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A New Senior Medicare Program You’re a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no nursing home available for you. So what do you do? Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot four Politicians. Continue reading |
My Proposed Golf Book, the Highlights and Terminology
Dear Friends,
I have written a book and am quite proud of the results and, in order to market the publication, I’m asking friends and family to spread the news about this essential read.
This book on golf gives the reader valuable playing tips and insider information that I have gained through my 10+ years of golfing experience.
Highlights include:
Chapter 1) How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt
Chapter 2) How to Hit a Maxfli ball from the Rough When You Just Hit a Titleist from the Tee
Chapter 3) How to Get More Distance off the Shank
Chapter 4) When to Give the Curator the Finger
Chapter 5) Proper Excuses for Drinking Beer Before 9:00 a.m
Chapter 6) How to Find That Ball That Everyone Else Saw Go in the Water
Chapter 7) How to Relax When You Are Hitting Three off the Tee
Chapter 8) How to Relax When You Are Hitting Five off the Tee
Chapter 9) When to Suggest Major Swing Corrections to Your Opponent
The book also includes some GOLF TERMINOLOGY Continue reading
A few ‘Oldies’ Jokes
Joke 1 (of 6)
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, ‘Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.’
The other man said, ‘What is the name of the restaurant?’
Anger Management
When you have a really bad day,
and you just need to take it out on someone,
don’t take it out on someone you know,
take it out on someone you don’t know –
and someone who deserves it.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered
a phone call I’d forgotten to make.
I found the number and dialled it.
A man answered, saying ‘Hello.’
I politely said, ‘This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?’
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear
‘Get the right f***ing number!’
And the phone was slammed down on me.
I couldn’t believe that anyone could be so rude.
When I tracked down Robyn’s correct number
to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed
the last two digits.
After hanging up with her,
I decided to call the ‘wrong’ number again.
Disciplining the Children
Most people nowadays think it improper to discipline children, so a friend of mine has tried other methods to control his kids when they have had one of ‘those moments.’
Since he is a pilot, one that he has found very effective is to just take the child for a flight in the plane during which he says nothing and gives the child the opportunity to reflect on his or her behavior. Continue reading
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