StevesFunnies.com

Smile.


2 Comments

My Proposed Golf Book, the Highlights and Terminology

golferDear Friends,

I have written a book and am quite proud of the results and, in order to market the publication, I’m asking friends and family to spread the news about this essential read.

This book on golf gives the reader valuable playing tips and insider information that I have gained through my 10+ years of golfing experience.

Highlights include:

Chapter 1) How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt

Chapter 2) How to Hit a Maxfli ball from the Rough When You Just Hit a Titleist from the Tee

Chapter 3)  How to Get More Distance off the Shank

Chapter 4)  When to Give the Curator the Finger

Chapter 5) Proper Excuses for Drinking Beer Before 9:00 a.m

Chapter 6) How to Find That Ball That Everyone Else Saw Go in the Water

Chapter 7) How to Relax When You Are Hitting Three off the Tee

Chapter 8) How to Relax When You Are Hitting Five off the Tee

Chapter 9) When to Suggest Major Swing Corrections to Your Opponent

The book also includes some GOLF TERMINOLOGY Continue reading


Leave a comment

A few ‘Oldies’ Jokes

Joke 1 (of 6)

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, ‘Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.’
The other man said, ‘What is the name of the restaurant?’

Continue reading


2 Comments

“The Parrot is Dead?”

At dawn the telephone rings, “Hello, Senor Steve? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house. I am sorry to bother you whilst you are in your holiday villa in France, taking a few weeks off from your busy schedule.”

“Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?”

“Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Steve, that your parrot, he is dead”.

“My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?”

“Si, Senor, that’s the one.”

“Damn! That’s a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?”

“From eating the rotten meat, Senor Steve.” Continue reading


Leave a comment

Anger Management

  When you have a really bad day,
and you just need to take it out on someone,
don’t take it out on someone you know,
take it out on someone you don’t know –

and someone who deserves it.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered
a phone call I’d forgotten to make.

I found the number and dialled it.

A man answered, saying ‘Hello.’

I politely said, ‘This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?’

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear
‘Get the right f***ing number!’
And the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn’t believe that anyone could be so rude.

When I tracked down Robyn’s correct number
to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed
the last two digits.

After hanging up with her,
I decided to call the ‘wrong’ number again.

Continue reading


Leave a comment

The British in Afghanistan

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.

Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis only to find a British soldier selling regimental ties.

The Taliban asked, “Do you have water?” The soldier replied, “There is no water, the well is dry. Would you like to buy a tie instead? ……. they are only £10
Continue reading